I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
