Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
