The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
