Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize