Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
