I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
