dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize