3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
