is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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