she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
