Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
