where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
