No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
