so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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