When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize