just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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