she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
