I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
