I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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