covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
