I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize