You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
