my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
