I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
