I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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