When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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