Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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