OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
