JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
