the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
