Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
