EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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