'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
