I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
