I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
