I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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