My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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