Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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