I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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