I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
