I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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