i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
