My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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