when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
