my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
