Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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