I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
