I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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