so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
