he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
