The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
