My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
