so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
