haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
worst night to have a conscience
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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