I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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