Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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