So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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