I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
