Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
