My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
