How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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