I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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