We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My vagina just recognized that song.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
