she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
