last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize