Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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