Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
