just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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