please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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