He kissed a someone with a penis
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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