the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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