I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
