hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
