covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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