Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
