The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Like honey no, Iām getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
