I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
