I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
