If that was your dad, he is hot
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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