She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
