I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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