Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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