theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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