He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
