and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize