I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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