somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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