My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize