im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
