This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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