Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
