Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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