My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
