Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
