I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize