it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
