Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I smell like Dick and happiness
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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