I'm drive I can fine osifer
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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