and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
