Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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