Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im part way to drunk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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