I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
